Remember that your memories are only a construction of your mind. If, in the past, you chose to make a decision – such as ‘exercise is tiring’ – your whole time line is based on that decision. If you then resolve this issue by integrat- ing it with a decision you make to be healthy, you can change your time line to accommodate the new, healthy you.
Reframing – as if
The meaning of an interaction is dependent on the context in which it takes place. So by changing the context of, or reframing, an experience, you can change its meaning. For example, if someone criticises you for being too sub- jective, you can thank the person because you know that this attribute means that you’re good with people or great at coming up with ideas.
This as if reframing is excellent for resolving conflict because it allows you to pretend and therefore explore possibilities that you wouldn’t have thought of otherwise. Acting as if you have the resources now, helps to shift any beliefs that may be holding you back.
When you’re in conflict, with yourself or another party, use the following ‘as if’ frames to help you resolve the problem:
✓ Time switch: Step six months or a year into the future, look back to now, and ask yourself what you did to overcome the problem.
Alan was in a well-paid job in which he was relatively happy. However, his boss had favourites in the department and Alan was getting side- lined. Alan had wanted to work for a large multinational for some time but didn’t believe that his skills were good enough. Alan used the well-formed outcomes process (which we describe in Chapter 4 and Appendix C) to design his dream job. He then tried the time switch by stepping five years into the future and pretending he had his perfect job.
He realised he needed to work for one of his company’s competitors and two years later found himself in his dream job, working for the multina- tional of his choice.
✓ Person switch: Pretend that you’re someone you respect and ask your- self what you’d do if you were able to swap bodies with the other person for a day.
Georgina admired Amanda Tapping (the actress who portrays Major Sam Carter in the television series Stargate). Georgina pretended to swap bodies with Amanda Tapping. She discovered that although her job sup- porting computer systems paid the mortgage, it failed to satisfy her on a deep level. As Amanda Tapping, Georgina discovered that she really wanted to work in films, bringing stories from people’s imaginations to life. Georgina realised that life in the film world can be risky, but took the first step by enrolling for a part-time course in scriptwriting.
✓ Information switch: Suppose that you have all the information you need to get a solution: what would that knowledge be and how would the cir- cumstances change?
Georgina used the information switch to break down what she would have to do to live her dream of becoming a scriptwriter. Consequently, she started evening classes in scriptwriting and working with projects for the students for a local college at the weekends. She is now at the stage where she’s planning to work part-time for production companies so that she can spend more time following her dream.
✓ Function switch: Imagine that you can change any component in the system within which you’re experiencing a restriction: for example, you aren’t progressing at work or your marriage is a little bumpy. What would you change and how would this change affect the outcome?
Colin worked as an animal nurse in a busy veterinary practice; he loved his job but felt as though something was missing in his life. He sat down and used his imagination to see what element he would change. As a result, Colin’s unconscious mind had him recognise that he wanted to do good where he was really needed by animals, and by people unable to afford expensive veterinary treatment. Colin now works at an animal sanctuary in India, still loves what he’s doing, and feels com- pletely fulfilled.
Resolving Bigger Conflicts
The previous sections in this chapter provide you with a pretty good idea of intrapersonal conflicts (within a person) and how to begin resolving them.
You may also like to think about extrapolating and extending this model. You can apply the same principles of solving intrapersonal conflict to relation- ships and negotiations between two people, within a team, family, or social group, and between different companies and organisations. Here are some examples of these bigger conflicts:
✓ Interpersonal conflict: Where two or more people have differing needs that can’t be satisfied at the same time.
✓ Intragroup conflict: Between two or more people within the group, for example, members of a team or department.
✓ Intergroup conflict: Between two or more groups of people, as in gang warfare or companies battling for market leadership.
In all these situations, you can use the process outlined in the following exer- cise to negotiate a successful outcome.
This exercise is based on the NLP process for integrating conflicting parts that we describe in the sections ‘Trying the visual squash technique’ and
‘Reframing – as if’, earlier in this chapter: