You can only beat the dealer by having a higher total than the dealer or by not busting when the dealer busts. You absolutely must stick to basic strategy for the blackjack game that you are playing when it feels like you are “close enough” to 21. Strategy will tell you whether you should hit or stand. I know the feeling of anxiety we all feel when we hit that block of “stand”
on the strategy card. The casino knows about it too, and hopes you can’t resist hitting.
I speak, of course, of standing on low hands like 12s (against a dealer’s 4, 5, 6) and on 13 and 14 against a dealer’s 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6. Twelve and 13 just look so low! Gosh, it’s just so tempting to hit. Standing is for losers, isn’t it? Be bold! Ask for another card! The dealer’s waiting, or the Hit button sits glowing on your computer screen. No, the sensible move is to stand. Hitting will only benefi t the dealer. Don’t give them any advantage just because you’d rather bust with 22 than win with a mere 12.
“I Play Better When I’m Relaxed.”
Relaxed? If you mean a high blood–alcohol level, excuse me, but your euphemism is showing. Relaxed is good. Impaired is bad, even a little in a game that counts on a tiny fraction of a percentage edge. I have a friend who swears that he goes to Vegas and Atlantic City only to gamble, but I’m convinced that the free drinks he devours while gam- bling the hours away are part of the attraction, and they simply can’t help his game. The bottom line is that drinking and gambling don’t mix. You can’t possibly be clear-headed and able to concentrate on your game when fi lling your body with alcohol.
Many, many people disagree with this rule and point to winning nights as proof. I’m not impressed. Just as many people drink and drive without realizing they’re impaired. The fact that they don’t hit anyone doesn’t mean they had better reaction time or that alcohol somehow affects them differently than it does every other human being alive on the earth today or who has ever lived. It just means they—or whomever they might have harmed in an accident—had a bit of good luck. But luck runs out.
“But you said we’re working on only a one or two percent player edge. A drink costs about seven bucks,” I can hear you saying. “It’s part of my winnings.” Good point, so this is what I do: Order a drink or two before you’re ready to quit, then enjoy them after cashing out. It won’t take long for the drink to affect you, especially if you’ve been sitting there a while without eating. Notice our good friends the casinos don’t offer munchies, only booze. So manage your intake carefully if you must partake. (Water is also a very good idea.) Don’t worry about looking like a lush; casinos love heavy drinkers as long as they’re heavy spenders! The waitress will bring you a couple of drinks at a time, hoping you’re one of those players who starts off playing tipsy.
Since there aren’t any clocks in casinos, make sure to wear a watch if you absolutely must nurse a drink while playing. (Larger men or women, or those with a high toler- ance, can make this work with weaker drinks.) Also, there’s no rule that you can’t wander through the casino and pick up a couple drinks while dawdling at the nickel slots if you want to charge your drinks to the casino’s tab. I completely understand that desire; just
make sure you aren’t “bargaining” with yourself to make an excuse to drink while play- ing. You can “stick it to the house” for a few drinks without letting them stick it to you by drinking at the table; when and what you drink is as much a strategy as splitting Aces.
♠♥♣♦ Note
A 12-oz. beer, 5 ounces of wine, or a shot (1.5 oz.) of whisky all contain about the same amount of alcohol.
No matter what, do NOT drink if you’re losing. Alcohol acts as a depressant. It only makes people seem more up and goofy because—and isn’t this a comforting thought?—it re- duces blood fl ow to the brain. If you’re already depressed, getting more so won’t do you any good. You can quickly fall into a downward spiral of depression and lost hands and depression and lost hands, until, fi nally, self-destructive behavior or even suicide may rear its ugly head.
Obviously alcohol is not the only substance to be avoided that can make you feel “re- laxed,” but this is a G-rated book, so I’ll simply suggest avoiding any substance or activity that will interfere with your ability to think clearly and concentrate on your card game.
Think about it: Would you gamble your money on the stock market after you’ve had a few drinks, or worse? It’s your money. Better to stay focused so the dealer doesn’t steal it out from under your nose.
It Isn’t Real
In an earlier chapter, I cited the misleading headline from South Bend, Indiana’s WNDU:
“Online Gambling Leads One Woman to Prison.” The lady in question had in fact gone to jail for embezzlement. The NewsCenter 16 reporter wrote absurdly, “The need for the quick fi x forced her to break the law by tapping into her boss’s bank account.” The two verbs in that sentence are dead wrong. Nothing “forced” the gambler to do anything; she chose to act because she didn’t want to face the music. Likewise, saying she “tapped”
someone else’s bank account is an awful soft term for stealing.
This kind of thinking by players or their enablers helps excuse bad behavior, and that is a huge mistake in anything, but especially in matters of money. This player’s next quote really drove this point home for me: “It never seemed real to me. It was always all on the computer. The money never actually touched my hand.” Well, the money you’re playing with is real. If you have any trouble at all accepting that fact, use your credit card to with- draw a few $20s from the bank and fl ush them down the toilet. It may sound drastic, but if there’s any chance you’ll forget that the money you’re betting with is real, those $20s will be money well spent.
Chapter 12: Myths and Common Mistakes
Bad Players Cause Us to Lose
If this were true, the bad players at all the tables around the world would cause the good players to lose, and the concept of playing basic strategy and sticking to your game would be useless. Casinos reward bad players with free rooms and other comps instead of the good players. It would be the topsy-turvy, upside-down Bizarro world from Super- man. You are pretty much always guaranteed to meet and play with people who do not know the correct basic strategy for playing the game of blackjack. Some are worse than others. Some players go against everything that strategy teaches, but they should have no effect on your game. Blackjack is a game of beat the dealer.
It doesn’t make any difference how the other players at the table play, they will have no effect on whether you win or lose your game. There are the occasions when a player sitting at third base hits his 16 against a dealer’s up-card of 5, and the player ends up busting giving the dealer a good hand that beats everyone else at the table. You could argue that if the player didn’t hit, then the dealer would have busted instead, and then all players at the table would have won. But you can never know that the next card in the deck is going to help or hurt the dealer in a game of online blackjack. The next card in the deck could have just as easily caused the dealer to bust had the player played his hand exactly the same way, by hitting on his two-card total of 16.
I Can’t Keep Losing (You Can!)
Occasionally, upon losing four or fi ve hands in a row, even I think to myself that I’m due to win the next hand. I have to be! Probability states that I can’t lose every hand. There- fore, I must be due to win. Unfortunately, the cards don’t seem to care that I’ve lost the last four or fi ve hands in a row. My winning the next hand has nothing to do with whether I’ve lost, tied, or won the last four or fi ve hands. In the long run, yes—I will eventually even out and win approximately half of the hands that I play, but after only four or fi ve hands, I can’t be guaranteed any particular result for the upcoming hand. It may take many hours for me to recoup what I’ve lost and break-even or get ahead. That may seem frustrating to many, but it’s part of the game, and patience and self-control is so impor- tant if you’re going to rank as a winning player.
Always Insure against Blackjack
I might as well say it again in case you’ve missed it: Insurance is one of the biggest mistakes a player can make. As you learned in Chapter 11, insurance is a waste of your money in blackjack. The casinos would love you to take that bet, but if you were to do so, you’d be giving away your money. In fact, you’d be giving almost 13 percent of the profi t that you were to receive had you won the game with a blackjack. In order for you to break even with insurance, you must be counting cards and know the exact card that the dealer is holding. Let’s look at an example of how insuring your blackjack can cost you.
You may think you can’t lose when you insure your blackjack hand, but the truth is, you will lose 1 to 1, or even money, every time you take insurance. But if you pass on tak- ing insurance, you would actually be winning 1.04 to 1–4% more than if you didn’t take insurance. Now that may not sound like a lot, but if you insure your blackjack consistently throughout your years of playing blackjack, it can add up to plenty of money. Throwing away this 4 percent seems like a waste of money to me.
Even if you were to count cards (though not possible for an online game), you should still only take the insurance bet if you know for sure that over 1/3 of the remaining cards in the shoe are 10-point cards. Otherwise, it’s a risky bet.
The Third Baseman Controls the Game
All seats are created equal. The player sitting at the far right of the dealer, or third base, does not control the game any more than the player sitting to the far left of the dealer, or fi rst base. Neither has any effect on whether you win or lose long term. We always notice when the player in third base takes a card, and the dealer makes the hand. Conversely, we never notice when the player plays wrong and the dealer busts because of the bad play. Yes, there are several bad players out there who make bad plays that can affect your hand’s outcome negatively. But there are also bad players out there seated at third base who make bad plays that will affect your hand in a positive way. We rarely seem to remember those plays, though.
For the good players who play basic strategy (and even for those who don’t), it doesn’t matter where they’re seated; they all play against the dealer and as a result have the same advantage at the table. Third base only gives you a slight betting advantage if you are counting cards and can see what cards have been dealt. But counting cards in an online blackjack game is just not possible.
Deuces (2s) Favor the Dealer
This is defi nitely not the case. In fact, if you think about it, I’m sure you’d agree that you would rather see the dealer showing a 2 up-card than you would an Ace or 10. An Ace or 10 has the potential for a dealer blackjack. Players who think that the deuce favors the dealer do so because they are prone to recognizing that particular card.
They think that if the dealer is holding a deuce, there will only be one card in the deck (a 10- point card) that could cause the dealer to bust. Therefore, the dealer must have a good chance of reaching, or coming close to, 21. However, the reality is that if the dealer is showing an Ace or 10, the probability is higher that you will lose to that hand than when showing a deuce.
Two Hands Are Better Than One
Playing two hands against the dealer gives you no advantage whatsoever. You may think that you have a better chance of breaking even—losing with one hand and winning with the other—but in truth, you’re playing as if you were two people sitting at the table. It
Chapter 12: Myths and Common Mistakes
might be enjoyable, but your chances of receiving better cards are no better. Also, land- based casino pit bosses watch for players who double up and often invite them to take a nice, long walk and not come back. Forget players who boast, “I always play two hands and win more that way!” They can’t be counting their winnings carefully. Playing 12 hands will not give you an advantage—it’s just not possible mathematically.
It’s All Luck
Blackjack, like poker, is a game of skill. This sets them apart from games like craps—
where your chances are literally a “crap shoot”—roulette, or slots. While you will fi nd streaks in a given set of cards, that’s when you up and leave, not when you throw your hands up in the air and start questioning the fi delity of Lady Luck. Playing the basic strat- egy will win for you in the long run, but that prepositional phrase is key: in the long run.
You still should get up and leave when you hit a bad streak, but that’s not “bad luck.” It’s part of your strategy. Expect those series of unbelievably bad draws or supernaturally hot dealers, and respond accordingly.
Befriend the Dealer
While you should tip human dealers according the guidelines I gave you earlier, you shouldn’t try to fi nd a new friend. Some casinos offer attractive female dealers. The At- lantic City Borgata, overwhelmed and over-rated in my experience, landed itself in some legal trouble recently for requiring its staff to stay within 10 percent of a target weight or lose their jobs. Casinos know sex sells and distracts people of both sexes, and they use this to their advantage. As if you needed more motivation to take their money!
I’ve spent a lot of time encouraging you to develop a healthy dislike for the house so that you’ll work hard to keep your money from them. However, a dealer is only the instrument of the casino. Yes, some can be total jerks and may do this simply to throw you off your game. If you suspect you’ve landed at a table with one of these clowns, simply head to another table. They’d like nothing better than for you to express your displeasure, so hold back. Dealers will often call a pit boss over as soon as a player’s back is turned or signal to the next dealer you sit with that you’re trouble.
Plus, the Eye in the Sky is watching every move you make at a land-casino. Unlike those domes in a supermarket where you worked as a kid or in a department store with bored teenage staffers, casinos have high-paid, eagle-eyed spotters working those security cameras. Rest assured that they’ll all have a good laugh if your fl y is open and toss you out on your ear if you try any funny business. You’re being watched—closely. So much for playing hand after hand in your Judy Jetson pajamas at the computer; that’s another advantage of the online game.
Here are some Don’ts for dealing with dealers:
Don’t waste the dealer’s time with silly questions or indecision. Time is money.
Don’t repeatedly ask for new decks after a run of bad cards. Pick a new table.
Don’t praise a dealer you’re having great luck with too loudly. The pit boss will spot this and swap that dealer out for some sourpuss. Express your gratitude by tipping. The dealer won’t want to get yanked from your table either, so everyone’s happy.
Don’t ask for any inside information such as “hints” about cards or when they’ll shuffl e. That’s basically asking them to lose their jobs and their careers.
Don’t cry “cheater.” Unlike dealers in the old, pre-RICO (Racketeer Infl uenced and Corrupt Organizations Act of 1970) movies, today’s casinos don’t cheat. It’s simply too lucrative to play by the rules and too risky not to. The house has to answer to its own Eye in the Sky, after all—the United States and local govern- ments—which will not simply ask them to leave if it catches them cheating.
Don’t touch or move your cards. They have a pattern to follow throughout a hand. They position cards carefully (without you even noticing) so the Eye in the Sky can see them.
Don’t hand the dealer money. You must place it on the table.
Don’t check a strategy card or rub a rabbit’s foot, and so on, between every hand.
It’s Like the Movies
You cannot take photographs or video inside casinos. Paradoxically, moviemakers love to set scenes and even entire fi lms or TV series like Vega$ (1978-81) on the fl oors of casinos or at card games. Although nowadays casinos are more accessible than ever with the advent of legalized gambling on riverboats and reservations, most of us still have movies and TV as enduring images of how to act in a casino. Where does reality end and fantasy begin? The list is endless: Guys and Dolls (1955), Ocean’s Eleven (1960), The Manchurian Candidate (1962), Kaleidoscope (1966), Casino Royale (1967), Diamonds Are Forever (1971),The Gambler (1974), Jinxed! (1982), The Flamingo Kid (1984), Casino (1995), Rounders (1998) and Ocean’s Eleven (2001) just to name a few.
On the small screen, weekly card games like those of Oscar Madison, Speed, Murray, and the boys on The Odd Couple (1970-75) provided the setting for endless comedic and even dramatic exploits. Who can forget the episode where Oscar’s accused of palming a $20 bill during a blackout, only to have Felix discover that, “In the dark, Oscar made a very expensive sandwich,” with the bill instead of lettuce!
If you want to see what can really go wrong by trying to emulate movie big shots at a real-life casino, the best place I can point you to is . . . a movie! Swingers (1996) starts with nervous 20-something Mike (Jon Favreau) and his Rat Pack wannabe friend Trent (Vince Vaughn) making a road trip to “Vegas, baby! Vegas!” Their fi rst concern isn’t strategy or what blackjack table to sit at, but what to wear. While some attention should be paid to this, it’s not your top concern or anywhere near it. Casinos aren’t going to give you anything based on how you look, only on how long you play.