7.3 Factors contributing to the core problem
7.3.2.1 Feeling unsupported and isolated
New mothering is a particularly challenging time that is dominated by responsible caring such as feeding, bathing, and soothing a highly dependent baby. Problematic breastfeeding adds significantly to a mother’s responsibilities at this time. It becomes a
95 See Chapter 6.2.1.
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burden of varying proportions that can be expressed with increasing intensity from feeling unsupported to a sense of alienation, isolation, and resentment. A particular feature of breastfeeding is that only mothers can do it. In general, participants’ partners provide high levels of support, but ultimately, breastfeeding is viewed as the mother’s prime responsibility. This notion is expressed by mothers in individual ways. Tania (mother) states, “I found it [breastfeeding] really umm, really impinged on my, not my freedom, but the ability for anyone else to care for the baby (M 01/06). Kylie describes some of the negative personal consequences of having to constantly manage breastfeeding difficulties.
I could never go anywhere for more than two or three hours; the whole expressing [breast milk] thing combined with worrying about her and trying to manage her weight gain and things; not a good time” ( M 07/04).
Here, Kylie raises some common breastfeeding issues shared by most women in the study. They concern lack of time for themselves or time-out from the constant underlying anxiety associated with feeling directly responsible for feeding their babies. One of the perceived advantages of breastfeeding is the idea of portability and convenience but this is not necessarily true for everyone. Some breastfeeding mothers, like Sally in the next exemplar, want the option of breast milk feeding with a bottle but their breastfed babies refuse to cooperate. Sally is angry and places some blame for this on the way that health- care is delivered to new mothers. She reports feeling alienated and unsupported by nurses in the hospital. With the emphasis on encouraging breastfeeding, practical advice on other forms of infant feeding are overlooked. The information and skills provided do not necessarily match individual needs.
She would never take the bottle and that was the thing that caused me the most distress because it just really socially isolated me more than anything else. I couldn’t go anywhere for longer than three hours because she had to feed … You learn how to breastfeed in hospital and all that sort of stuff, and they’re so rough, they sit there and they just shove the baby on and there’s no talk, ever, about how to, especially if you’re breastfeeding, on how to prepare a bottle for when you’ve expressed the milk or anything along that line (Sally M 12/11).
Mothers describe feeling isolated and unsupported in other ways but fundamentally on the basis that they are misunderstood or unheard. They believe that family and friends do not appreciate the personal meaning that breastfeeding has to them and what they are going through. Mothers are disappointed that the people who they usually rely upon are not
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able, or willing to support them; a situation that can result in considerable emotional distress.
They [friends] don’t understand why I can’t return phone calls. They can’t understand why I’m not listening to my mobile. I just don’t have time to turn my mobile on and check messages and I don’t have time to call people for a chat because I don’t have time to go to the toilet sometimes. I can’t find half an hour to call somebody. So I don’t think they really understand that (Catherine, M 02/05).
Although Catherine’s situation might represent an extreme case, most women in the study express a sense of tension that relates to being restricted from participating in everyday social activities, viewed primarily as a consequence of their commitment to breastfeed.
They often find it difficult to leave the house, meet with friends or go shopping because managing breastfeeding difficulties involves excessive time spent expressing breast milk, feeding a fussy baby, or feeding frequently on demand.
Breast milk feeding with a bottle, in particular, emerges as one of the most commonly used strategies to manage breastfeeding difficulties associated with attachment problems.
Breast milk feeding, however, was found to be a complex, demanding, and emotionally charged infant feeding strategy. For example, Tania, describes feeling like a ‘barn yard animal’ when expressing milk (M 01/09). Kylie states, “It’s [expressing milk] terrible! I think that was the worst part of the whole [breastfeeding] experience” (M 07/05). Some women find expressing milk difficult or uncomfortable and all are generally frustrated by the time it takes. Lack of time for themselves, their family and activities of daily living is particularly stressful for women in the study. They lose a sense of personal identity and control in their lives, which have become unduly focused on breastfeeding. Mothers’ frustration and resentment of the many different and difficult situations they find themselves in, linked to their determination to breastfeed, is illustrated by the following exemplars.
From about two, three weeks onwards he was fussy feeding, like he would feed every hour and a half and that’s when the reflux really kicked in. So I spent all day on the couch feeding, so I started to get a bit resentful of the whole breastfeeding thing (Sally, M 12/04).
I hardly get anything done, it takes me half an hour to even put a load of washing in the machine, let alone hang it out ,and fold it and the ironings been there for four months (Tania, M 01/15).
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Apart from the impact of breastfeeding difficulties on women’s daily lives and social relationships, mothers describe also the distress of physical and emotional pain.