VIETNAM NATIONAL UNIVERSITY, HANOI UNIVERSITY OF LANGUAGES AND INTERNATIONAL STUDIES FACULTY OF POST-GRADUATE STUDIES  BÙI THỊ MAI ANH A TRANSLATION QUALITY ASSESSMENT OF THE VIETNAMESE VERSION OF THE NOVEL THE NOTEBOOK BY PETAL LÊ (2010) USING PETER NEWMARK’S MODEL (Đánh giá chất lượng dịch tiếng Việt tiểu thuyết Nhật ký (2010) Petal Lê dịch theo mơ hình Peter Newmark) M.A MINOR THESIS Field: English Linguistics Code: 60.22.02.01 HANOI, 2014 VIETNAM NATIONAL UNIVERSITY, HANOI UNIVERSITY OF LANGUAGES AND INTERNATIONAL STUDIES FACULTY OF POST-GRADUATE STUDIES  BÙI THỊ MAI ANH A TRANSLATION QUALITY ASSESSMENT OF THE VIETNAMESE VERSION OF THE NOVEL THE NOTEBOOK BY PETAL LÊ (2010) USING PETER NEWMARK’S MODEL (Đánh giá chất lượng dịch tiếng Việt tiểu thuyết Nhật ký (2010) Petal Lê dịch theo mơ hình Peter Newmark) M.A MINOR THESIS Field: English Linguistics Code: 60.22.02.01 Supervisor: Assoc Prof Dr Lê Hùng Tiến HANOI, 2014 DECLARATION OF AUTHORSHIP I hereby state that the thesis entitled “A translation quality assessment of the Vietnamese version of the novel The Notebook by Petal Lê (2010) using Peter Newmark’s model” is the result of my research for the Degree of Master of Arts at University of Languages and International Studies, Vietnam National University, Hanoi, and the thesis has not been submitted for any degree at any other university or tertiary institution Hanoi, 2014 Student Bùi Thị Mai Anh i ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS This study would not have been completed without the support of many people, to whom I am profoundly grateful First and foremost, I would like to express my most sincere gratitude to Assoc Prof Dr Lê Hùng Tiến, my supervisor, for his invaluable advice, fervent guidance and enthusiastic support during all the stages of this research Without his advice and indefatigable perseverance, I would not have been able to complete this paper Besides, I want to show my appreciation to my mother and my husband whose encouragement represents the best inspiration I have ever had Their energy and enthusiasm always help me move forward, over tiredness and boredom when everything seems to be in the middle of nowhere This experience would never have been my satisfaction, at least for now, without my friends and colleagues who gave me helpful advice, suggestions and encouragement during my exhaustion ii ABSTRACT This thesis examines the translation quality assessment of the Vietnamese version of the novel The Notebook translated by Petal Lê The Introduction states the rationale for the study as well as establishes the objectives, scope and methods of the study The main part of the thesis starts with the theoretical background which presents issues relevant to the study comprising translation, translation methods, translation equivalence and translation quality assessment After all the theories have been introduced, the researcher evaluates the Vietnamese version of the book using Peter Newmark‟s model The five-step model has been followed strictly with the emphasis on step 3, also known as the heart of the critique In the last part of the study, the critic summaries what she has gained after assessing the translation in order to answer the research questions set in the first part Suggestions for further studies are also offered iii ABBREVIATIONS SL: Source Language TL: Target Language ST: Source Text TT: Target Text iv TABLE OF CONTENTS DECLARATION OF AUTHORSHIP i ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ii ABSTRACT iii ABBREVIATIONS iv PART A: INTRODUCTION 1 Rationale for the study Objectives of the study Scope and method of the study 3.1 Scope of the study 3.2 Method of the study Design of the study PART B: DEVELOPMENT Theoretical Background 1.1 Translation Theory 1.1.1 Definition of Translation 1.1.2 Translation Methods 1.1.3 Translation Equivalence 1.1.3.1 Definition 1.1.3.2 Types of Equivalence 1.2 Translation Quality Assessment 1.2.1 Definition 1.2.2 Translation Quality Assessment Models 1.2.2.1 Juliane House‟s Model 1.2.2.2 Peter Newmark‟s Model Evaluation of the Translation basing on Newmark’s Model 12 2.1 A brief analysis of the source language text 12 2.1.1 The author‟s purpose 12 2.1.2 Characteristic of the readership 12 2.1.3 The topic 12 2.2 The translator‟s interpretation 13 2.2.1 Omission of original text 13 2.2.2 The translator‟s method 16 2.2.3 The translation‟s likely readership 16 2.3 Comparison of the translation with the original 17 v 2.3.1 The title 17 2.3.2 The structure 18 2.3.2.1 Simple sentences vs Compound sentences 18 2.3.2.2 Active vs Passive voice 19 2.3.2.3 Order of clauses 24 2.3.2.4 Use of antonym 24 2.3.2.5 Change of subject 24 2.3.3 Proper names 25 2.3.3.1 People‟s names 25 2.3.3.2 Geographical names 26 2.3.3.3 Other names 27 2.3.4 Hierarchical pronouns as a cultural feature 28 2.3.5 Borrowed words 29 2.3.6 Puns 31 2.3.7 Some minor issues 32 2.3.7.1 Spelling mistakes 32 2.3.7.2 Mistranslation 32 2.3.7.3 Sentences that sound unnatural in the target language 34 2.4 An evaluation of the translation 35 2.5 Potential importance of the work within the target language culture 36 PART C: CONCLUSION 38 Concluding remarks 38 Suggestions for further studies 39 REFERENCES 40 vi PART A: INTRODUCTION Rationale for the study As the acclaimed translator Edith Grossman writes in the Preface of her book Why Translation Matters (2010), translation has a transcendent significance: “Translation not only plays its important traditional role as the means that allows us access to literature originally written in one of the countless languages we cannot read, but it also represents a concrete literary presence with the crucial capacity to ease and make more meaningful our relationships to those with whom we may not have had a connection before Translation always helps us to know, to see from a different angle, to attribute new value to what once may have been unfamiliar As nations and as individuals, we have a critical need for that kind of understanding and insight The alternative is unthinkable.” Literary translation, on the top of that, is the one effective way to enhance intercultural understanding Not every one has the chance to know well even one foreign language to appreciate a literary work that they so yearn for It is translation and translators that fill the gap and open up new worlds for booklovers to explore Globalization and integration have created great opportunity for a huge amount of foreign literary works to come within reach of Vietnamese readers While booklovers always hunger for new literary works to come out, translators, at the same time, have to cope with enormous workload of translating the originals as fast as possible This makes translation a demanding and tough job that requires not only broad cultural background knowledge but also enthusiasm, professional conscience and scrupulousness However, every now and then, owing to objective and subjective reasons, the translated versions still contain mistakes of various types There are even translated works that cause translation disasters and spark off vigorous debates With thousands of literary translations published every year by hundreds of publishers in Vietnam, translation quality control seems an impossible task Besides highly appreciated and well-received translation works such as Wuthering Heights and Gone with the Wind by Dương Tường, Harry Porter series by Lý Lan, The Twilight Saga by Tịnh Thủy, there remain works of poor quality, for example, the Vietnamese version of Harry Porter and the Order of the Phoenix by Trần Thắng Minh (Văn hóa – Thông tin Publisher, 2003), The da Vinci Code by Đỗ Thu Hà (Văn hóa – Thơng tin Publisher, 2006), The Elementary Particles by Cao Việt Dũng (Đà Nẵng Publisher, 2006), The Things They Carried by Trần Tiễn Cao Đăng (Văn học Publisher, 2011), Seal Team Six by Đoàn Châu Hoài Giang (Alphabooks Publisher, 2012) These translated versions have received a great deal of criticism since their publication due to their vocabulary, grammar, style, spelling, typing mistakes that even an ordinary reader cannot bear Therefore, this minor thesis would like to concentrate on the evaluation of one literary translation in order that readers and booklovers can have better conception and comprehension of some models of translation quality assessment initiated by notable linguists in the world such as Juliane House and Peter Newmark Since the limitation of a minor thesis, Juliane House‟s model and Peter Newmark‟s model will be introduced and Newmark‟s will be selected as the main means to evaluate the Vietnamese version of The Notebook by Petal Lê to reveal the good points and bad points of the translated texts with regards to the original In addition, the author would like to look into the outstanding equivalence types the translator has achieved in translating this popular literary work so that other translators can get some experience from him Objectives of the study The study covers the following aims:  To assess the translation quality of the translated version of the novel The Notebook in terms of the aspects discovered from theories raised by different scholars including Juliane House and Peter Newmark with Newmark‟s model as the main criteria  To suggest some implications for the translation of literary works To successfully achieve the above aims, the thesis seeks to answer the two research questions:  How good is the Vietnamese version of The Notebook according to Newmark‟s model?  What recommendations can be made from the translated version? Scope and method of the study 3.1 Scope of the study The work of fiction The Notebook consists of twelve chapters in total Since this is a story of logical coherence and requires complete penetration, the researcher finds it is a good idea to evaluate the translation text on a general basis However, due to limitation of time for this study, certain emphasis on highlights of this fiction will be presented 3.2 Method of the study Since this is the study to evaluate the translated version of The Notebook by Petal Lê, a theoretical insight into some different translation quality assessment models by different linguists is necessary Peter Newmark‟s model, for its advantages in terms of applications, will be used as the major criteria for evaluating the Vietnamese version of the novel Others Capers General Store Cửa hàng Capers General Gaston‟s Drug Store Hiệu thuốc Gaston Fort Totten Park Công viên Fort Totten Croatan Forest Rừng Croatan Harkers Island Đảo Harkers Outer Banks Bãi Ngoài Ocracoke Ocracoke Masonic theater Nhà hát Masonic Everglades Đầm lầy Everglades In section Name of States, the translator has translated the directional word in the name of North Carolina state instead of keeping it „North Carolina‟ This translation is common and acceptable in Vietnamese The names of towns and cities are the same in both original and translated versions Nevertheless, the name of the street is problematic „Front Street‟ appears three times in the novel, yet, in the translated version, it appears under „Phố Front‟ twice and under „Phố Trước‟ once This is the evidence for the translator‟s inconsistency Perhaps, he has not translated the whole novel all on his own? Water bodies, from creek, lake to rivers are translated in the same way, with the proper names remain the same, and the words Creek, Lake, River translated An examples in section Name of Stores also illustrates the translator‟s discrepancy „Hoffman-Lane department store‟ appears twice in the novel, and each time, it has been translated differently as can be seen in the table Besides, the second time it is translated, the translator has misspelled the name of the department store Jeweler itself means người bán đồ trang sức in Vietnamese; therefore, it is recommended that Hearns Jewelers be translated Cửa hàng trang sức Hearns The same suggestion is made for Capers General Store to be translated Cửa hàng Tạp hóa Capers Other geographical names have been translated quite reasonable and appropriate The translator has proven that he has checked the term Everglades and thus, translated it Đầm lầy Everglades so that the readers can be sure of the place In conclusion, though the translation of proper names seems pretty easy, the translator of this novel has not fully accomplished his job when showing his inconsistency in translating some items It is recommended that the translator check the terms carefully to make sure they are in consistence 2.3.3.3 Other names 27 Name of Stars Original version Translated version Orion Chòm Thiên Lang The Big Dipper Đại Hùng Gemini Song Tử The Pole Star Bắc Đẩu In translating names of the stars, the translator has chosen to transfer all of them to pure Vietnamese These names, in other documents or translations, can be seen in their original spelling This way of Petal Lê‟s translation, in my opinion, is good for readers to understand 2.3.4 Hierarchical pronouns as a cultural feature One typical difference that can be clearly observed between English and Vietnamese is the personal pronoun system There are only seven personal pronouns in English which are I, you, we, they, he, she, it whereas the number of personal pronouns in Vietnamese is much more various In this novel, the translator has had to deal with this difference in the way people call each other when translating it into Vietnamese The complexity of the Vietnamese personal pronoun system makes it really hard in order to have accurate translation, otherwise, misunderstanding is inevitable The following example shows this Original version Translated version “Why did you come?” Allie finally “Tại mẹ lại đến đây?” Allie cuối asked hỏi Her mother raised an eyebrow “I thought Mẹ cô nhướng mày “Mẹ nghĩ mẹ người I would be the one to ask that question.” hỏi câu chứ.” Allie paled Allie tái “I came because I had to,” her mother “Mẹ đến mẹ cần phải đến,” mẹ nói, “mẹ said, “which I‟m sure is the same reason lý Mẹ nói you came Am I right?” không?” Allie nodded Allie gật đầu Anne turned to Noah “These last couple Bà Anne quay sang Noah “Những ngày qua of days must have been full of surprises.” toàn điều ngạc nhiên.” “Yes,” he answered simply, and she “Phải.” Anh trả lời đơn giản, cô mỉm cười smiled at him “I know you don‟t think với anh so, but I always liked you, Noah I just “Tôi biết cậu không nghĩ vậy, lúc didn‟t think you were right for my tơi thích cậu, Noah Tơi khơng nghĩ daughter Can you understand that?” cậu thích hợp với gái tơi Cậu có hiểu He shook his head as he answered, his điều khơng?” 28 tone serious “No, not really It wasn‟t Anh lắc đầu trả lời, giọng nghiêm túc fair to me, and it wasn‟t fair to Allie “Không, cháu không hiểu Như không Otherwise she wouldn‟t be here.” công với cháu, không công với She watched him as he answered, but she Allie Nếu khơng không đây.” said nothing Allie, sensing an argument, Bà nhìn anh anh trả lời, khơng nói cut in: Allie, cảm thấy có tranh luận, “What you mean when you say you xen ngang vào: had to come? Don‟t you trust me?” “Ý mẹ nói mẹ cần phải đến? Mẹ Anne turned back to her daughter “This không tin ư?” has nothing to with trust This has to Bà Anne quay lại với gái “Việc chẳng with Lon He called the house last liên quan đến tin tưởng Việc liên night to talk to me about Noah, and he‟s quan đến Lon Đêm qua gọi điện cho nhà on his way here right now He seemed để nói chuyện với mẹ Noah, very upset I thought you‟d want to đường đến Nó know.” bực Mẹ nghĩ muốn biết.” Allie inhaled sharply “He‟s on his way?” Allie hít mạnh “Anh “As we speak He arranged to have the đường tới ư?” trial postponed until next week If he‟s “Trong nói chuyện Nó not in New Bern yet, he‟s close.” xếp để vụ án hoãn lại tuần sau Nếu chưa có mặt New Bern tức có mặt.” (p166-7) In the original version, there are only personal pronouns I, you, he, she and objective pronouns me, you but in the translated version, in different position, the pronouns have been translated differently as can be seen in the table This is because Vietnamese has a very detailed system of hierarchy when addressing other people Therefore, when translating a text into Vietnamese, especially those with dialogues like this one, the translator has to be very careful and meticulous in choosing the suitable pronouns for the situation Through the illustrated example, it can be seen that the translator has fulfilled his task and made the text reasonably familiar to Vietnamese 2.3.5 Borrowed words Throughout the translated version of the novel, Petal Lê has kept some words in their original form instead of translating them into pure Vietnamese No Original version Translated version Usually Gus would bring his harmonica, Thường Gus mang kèn 29 and after talking for a little while, they‟d harmonica đến, sau nói play a few songs together chuyện lúc họ chơi vài với (p20) Fin laughed then, because he knew what Fin lúc cười anh chàng biết điều was happening, and Sarah suggested they diễn ra, Sarah gợi ý họ uống get some cherry Cokes, and the four of Coke hương đào, bốn người lại them stayed at the festival until the lễ hội đám đông vãn dần crowds were thin and everything closed chỗ đóng cửa nghỉ tối (p22) up for the night She wore little makeup, just a touch of Cô trang điểm nhẹ, chút bóng eye shadow and mascara to accent her mắt mascara để làm điểm nhấn cho đôi mắt (p31) eyes When asked, she said her erratic behavior Khi hỏi, cô đáp cách cư xử kỳ lạ was due to stress cô stress (p44) She carried it to the icebox and found Cơ mang đến chỗ tủ lạnh tìm thấy some okra, zucchini, onions, and carrots mướp tây, bí zucchini, hành cà rốt ngăn cuối (p72) on the bottom shelf Noah was up before the sun and dressed Noah dậy trước lúc mặt trời mọc mặc quickly, same jeans as last night, quần áo thật nhanh, quần jean undershirt, clean flannel shirt, blue tối qua, áo lót, sơ mi vải flannel sạch, áo khoác xanh da trời, ủng (p110) jacket, and boots It was Wednesday, which meant bridge at Hơm thứ Tư, có nghĩa the country club, then on to the Junior chơi bridge câu lạc bộ, đến Liên Women‟s League, where they would hiệp Phụ nữ trẻ, nơi họ tổ chức probably be arranging another fund-raiser buổi quyên góp từ thiện cho for the private school or hospital trường tư hay bệnh viện (p116) She passed an art gallery, almost walked Cô ngang qua gallery nghệ thuật, by it in her preoccupation, then turned lúc mải suy nghĩ cô gần qua hẳn, quay lại (p117) and went back “I have some bourbon in the pantry Is “Anh có rượu bourbon chạn Thế that okay?” 10 không?” (p143) They are my friends, and when I push Họ bạn bè tôi, đẩy cánh cửa open their doors, I see rooms that look phịng họ, tơi ln nhìn thấy like mine, always semidarkened, phịng trơng giống phịng tơi, tranh tối 30 illuminated only by the lights of Wheel of tranh sáng, chiếu sáng nhờ Fortune and Vanna‟s teeth chương trình Wheel of Fortune Vanna (p191) 11 “Caspian stern,” I say softly, and we “Chim Caspian stern,” tơi nói khẽ, devote our attention to it and stare as it tập trung ý vào chim glides over Brices Creek nhìn chăm lướt qua lạch Brices (p222) Looking at the examples in the table above, we can see that the translator has used a number of original words in his translation Most of the examples shows that the words in the translated version have the same spelling as in the original, except for examples and where s is omitted In case of words such as mascara, stress, jeans, gallery which have been widely accepted and used in the target language, the readers have no problem understanding the meaning of them and the things they refer to However, in other cases, the translator seems to have made it hard for readers to understand the words In example 1, though this is a relatively common musical instrument to Vietnamese, harmonica has a different spelling and pronunciation in Vietnamese, which is kèn ácmônica Cokes, or in Vietnamese côca-côla, is in fact not popular enough for the translator to leave it unchanged in the target language The translator himself has used footnote to explain Wheel of Fortune to help readers understand the origin of the program This is considered a good solution for the words such as zucchini, flannel, bridge, bourbon, Caspian stern There may be words that not exist in the dictionary, but it is the translator‟s job to research and find definition of recently created words and help readers fully comprehend the words in the text An easy-going reader may skip the word whereas a rigorous and exacting one would like to know every word so that they can completely grasp the author‟s idea for their own imagination In short, using words in their original spelling of the source language is challenging and risky If the word is popular and widely understood in the target language, no problems arise On the other hand, when the word is only comprehended by a minority of readers, clarification and elucidation should be provided Subsequently, more readers can enjoy their favourite literary work to the most 2.3.6 Puns In the novel, the author uses pun once with the word check Original version Translated version He‟d have his secretary check his schedule Anh dặn cô thư ký kiểm tra lịch để đảm 31 to make sure he wasn‟t overextending bảo anh không vượt giới hạn đặt himself… ra… Check? Kiểm tra? And his mind clicked another notch Và tâm trí anh lại nháng lên Check… checking… checking in? Kiểm tra… kiểm tra… làm thủ tục nhận He looked to the ceiling Checking in? phịng? Anh nhìn lên trần nhà Làm thủ tục nhận phòng? (p104) In English, to check standing alone means to investigate, to examine However, when combing with different prepositions, it has different meanings In the above example, check combining with in becomes check in which means to register as a guest at a hotel, inn, motel, etc This change of structure and meaning seems impossible to translate The translator can only choose to follow either of them, and in his translation, he has chosen to follow the meaning of the word Though the author‟s intention has not been totally conveyed, it is still the translator‟s great effort to make it easier for readers to understand 2.3.7 Some minor issues 2.3.7.1 Spelling mistakes In the translated version, there are some spelling mistakes which are supposedly due to the editorial work On pages 26 and 143, in “chân bắt tréo” and “Vắt tréo chân lại,” the word tréo has been misspelled It should be chéo according to Vietnamese spelling Name of the famous poet Walt Whitman has been misspelled into Walt Withman twice on pages 93 and 202 2.3.7.2 Mistranslation No Original version Translated version I have no complaints about my path and Tơi khơng phàn nàn đường the places it has taken me; enough nơi đưa tơi đến; dù complaints to fill a circus tent about phàn nàn chuyện khác có lẽ đủ để nhét kín rạp xiếc other things,… vải bạt,… (p10) The remaining property was another Phần cịn lại ngơi chuyện story, and that was where he‟d spent most khác, nơi anh dành phần of the day lớn thời gian ngày (p16) … I need a break from planning the … em cần khoảng nghỉ ngơi để lên kế hoạch cho đám cưới (p26) wedding 32 There was a slight tug at his line and Đầu dây câu anh giật nhẹ cái, Noah hy vọng cá vược Noah hoped for a largemouth bass,… to,… (p36) The wedding plans were stressful to Mọi kế hoạch đám cưới gây stress everyone involved cho tất người liên quan (p44) Noah used the bread knife as a pointer Noah dao cắt bánh (p86) After she climbed in, he pushed the canoe Sau cô trèo vào trong, anh đẩy farther into the water, close to the dock No, I didn‟t tell your father or anyone Không, mẹ không nghĩ bố hay khác biết điều (p166) else about it thuyền lại gần phía (p126) And the answer didn‟t finally come until Đến tận cô đến cửa nhà trọ, mở she reached the door and opened it and thấy Lon ngồi sảnh, câu trả saw Lon standing in the lobby lời không xuất (p186) 10 What are you doing? Bà nhìn thế? (p228) 11 She is pushing the gnomes away from Bà đẩy người lùn xa her, terrified, now oblivious of my mình, kinh hồng, rõ ràng trước có mặt tơi (p239) presence 12 It takes a man to that, Noah, to live Phải cần người đàn ơng đích thực with something like that And you have chung sống với điều For forty-five years now Wonderful đó, Noah Và anh sống với điều Cho đến bốn mươi years năm Những năm tháng tuyệt diệu (p257) 13 I gently trace the outline of her cheek,… Tôi nhẹ nhàng lần tìm đường nét cằm bà ấy,… (p267) In examples and 2, the translator has mistaken between the head noun and its complement, reversing them, consequently, digressing from the author‟s original design A break in example goes with the preposition from, nonetheless, the translator has translated it into a purpose sentence On page 23, with the same word, the translator has made a correct translation of cá vược miệng rộng, but in example 4, he has just put it cá vược to, which changes the phrase into another one Mọi in example should mean all or every in English, however, there is no such word in the original, where the phrase is simply The wedding plans 33 In example 6, used the bread knife as a pointer and dao cắt bánh (which may be translated into English as pointed at the bread knife) are two totally different actions However, through the translation of Petal Lê, they turn out to be the same! The translator has completely reversed the meaning of the phrase in example 7, where farther into the water, close to the dock unbelievably becomes lại gần phía mình! In examples 8, and 10, the translator has mistranslated the verbs, tell into nghĩ, standing into ngồi, doing into nhìn The intention of the translator here is quite questionable In example 11, it seems that the translator has mistaken oblivious for obvious, thus has conveyed the meaning of the sentence in the wrong way Forty-five in example 12 has been sarcastically translated into bốn mươi! It is wondered whether the translator had been in such a hurry or he had wanted to shorten the life of a person? Example 13 is another case of mistaking words that look similar Cheek and chin are two different parts of the human body; however, the translator might have thought that they are one! To cut a long story short, though these are only minor mistakes of words and phrases, they must not be ignored The translator should have been more precise and meticulous in doing his job Limited time provided for the translation should not always be the excuse for this type of mistranslation 2.3.7.3 Sentences theat sound unnatural in the target language Despite his tremendous effort in translating the whole novel, the professional translator has generated some sentences that sound ludicrous and enigmatic in the target language No Original version His father seemed weak as he walked Cha anh yếu, khò khè thở ho around, coughing and wheezing suốt lần dạo bước (p41) She hadn‟t planned on speaking to him Cơ khơng có kế hoạch nói chuyện với until later,… Translated version anh lúc này,… (p120) If she could, my wife would accompany Nếu có thể, vợ tôi đến me on my evening excursions, for one of buổi trình diễn buổi tối đó, her many loves was poetry tình yêu bà thơ ca (p193) In this I am a failure Về việc tơi thất bại (p236) 34 In example 1, khò khè thở sounds a bit uncommon in Vietnamese It is not known if the translator has any intention here, but usually, people say thở khò khè The translator has sticked to every word in example 2, translating them with their most common meaning, which makes this sentence sound atypical in the target language Normally, people not use the word kế hoạch together with such word as nói chuyện Instead, we may use có dự định / có ý định / định The definition of love in Vietnamese is exactly tình yêu, but as can be seen from the context of the sentence, love here somehow is similar to fondness, passion or affection And here, love is used in its plural form, therefore, it is advised that the translator turn it into niềm đam mê / điều bà yêu thích A personal subject cannot be compared to a thing or event subject Vietnamese not say such sentence as in example They would rather replace with kẻ, for example, in this situation Briefly, though the translator seems to have tried his best, there are phrases and sentences that he might not have expressed smoothly in the target language Revision is needed in order to have a better quality translation 2.4 An evaluation of the translation In this step, Newmark (1988:188) proposes that we assess the referential and pragmatic accuracy of the translation by the translator‟s standards If the translation is not a clear version of the original, we consider first whether these essential „invariant‟ element of the text which consists usually (not always) of its facts or its ideas is adequately represented Peter Newmark (1988:170) also observes that from a translator‟s point of view, the short story is, of literary forms, the second most difficult, but here he is released from the obvious constraints of poetry – metre and rhyme – whilst the varieties of sound-effect are likely to play a minor role Further, since the line is no longer a unit of meaning, he can spread himself a little – his version is likely to be somewhat longer than the original though, always, the shorter the better He can supply cultural glosses within the text – not, as in poetry or drama, delete or banish them to some note or glossary […] There is no advantage in making generalisations about the translation of serious novels The obvious problems: the relative importance of the SL culture and the author‟s moral purpose to the reader – it may be exemplified in the translation of proper names; of the SL conventions and the author‟s idiolect; the translation of dialect; the distinction between personal style, literary convention of period and/or movement; and the norms of the SL – these problems have to be settled for each text 35 The translator of the novel The Notebook, as pointed out above, has chosen semantic translation method as his main method; therefore, the referential and pragmatic accuracy should be viewed as both denotative and connotative accuracy, with focus on the sentencelevel meaning accuracy From that point of view, the critic would like to make the following evaluations for the translation Firstly, it is quite a clear version of the original in that most sentences have been translated with accurate meaning The structure of the sentences have been translated well The translator have proven his flexibility and competence in translating the whole literary work of approximately fifty thousand words except for the commented changes in simple sentences vs compound sentences, active and passive voices, order of phrases, use of antonyms and change of subject listed above The translation of proper names as well as the hierarchical pronouns have been quite appropriate However, the translation of some borrowed words has not been truly satisfactory Furthermore, there are spelling mistakes and mistranslations of words and phrases that are presumably due to limit of time for the workload Last but not least, in spite of his enormous effort in translating the whole novel, the professional translator has generated some sentences that sound ludicrous and absurd in the target language The other point, suggested by Newmark, is to find out whether the translator has omitted any section of the original text and whether it affects the message that the author wishes to express The finding from the translation is that, the translator has unintentionally or deliberately left out quite many words, phrases and even sentences In some cases, the omission of the words or phrases has no significant impact on the general meaning of the sentences or paragraphs However, it seems insupportable in other cases not translating the whole sentences, which affects the sequence of understanding of readers who only have chance to touch the Vietnamese version of the novel For the most part, the translator has fulfilled his task and produced an acceptable and enjoyable Vietnamese version of the prevalent novel Mistakes during the translating process are unavoidable, and the pointed out shortcoming should be reviewed in order to have a better edition in the future 2.5 Potential importance of the work within the target language culture In this last step, especially in the case of a novel like The Notebook, it is necessary to assess the work‟s potential importance within the target language culture by seeking answers to such questions as Was it in fact worth translating? What kind of influence will it have on the language, the literature, the ideas in its new milieu? (Newmark, 1988:189) 36 Concerning the first question, the answer surely is yes As mentioned above, the original version is a bestseller by a worldwide famous author His fans as well as booklovers all over the world would love to read this one popular literary work in their own language which is not always English Therefore, the translation of this novel into Vietnamese is certainly indispensable Thanks to the translated version of the novel, fans of Nicholas Sparks in Vietnam and fans of romantic love stories have the chance to enjoy another great classical work For the second question, a well-written literary work and its well-translated version would be an invaluable contribution to the literature of both the source language and the target language If The Notebook, shining with a beauty that is rarely found in current literature, establishes Nicholas Sparks as a classic storyteller with a unique insight into the only emotion that really matters, its Vietnamese version of fairly good quality is a valuable addition to the literature and cultural hoard of Vietnam To conclude, the novel and its Vietnamese version are both appreciated and wellreceived The novel itself is a masterpiece of love story genre, and its translated version in Vietnamese would be a perfect one once all the deficiencies are remedied 37 PART C: CONCLUSION Concluding remarks After applying Newmark‟s model to evaluate the translation, the researcher is now capable of coming up with answers to the two research questions posed in the first part of this thesis With regard to the first question, “How good is the Vietnamese version of The Notebook according to Newmark‟s model?”, it can be said that the Vietnamese version of the novel is of good quality Generally speaking, the translated version has conveyed fairly well the author‟s idea using brief and succinct target language of an experienced translator with semantic translation method as the main method In terms of syntax, it has successfully transferred some English sentence structures into Vietnamese structures flexibly and naturally Moreover, concerning semantics, the translator has made good choice of words and expressions, which goes well with the context and Vietnamese way of thinking He has also skillfully used equivalent Vietnamese idioms and phrases In general, language used is natural, smooth and easy to understand Though overall the translated version is a good one, there are still shortcomings that should be considered for future editions Firstly, the translator has omitted some words, phrases and sentences in comparison with the original Whatever the reason is, he had better examine the original version more thoroughly so as not to fail discerning readers Secondly, although some structures have been transferred quite agreeably, there are ones that need revision for better ones Thirdly and most notably, the translator‟s use of borrowed words should be reconsidered seriously Some borrowed words may be popular enough to be recognized by most people, yet, other words only recognized by a group of readers and this is where explanation or clarification comes in Last but not least, as pointed out in step three of the assessment, spelling mistakes and mistranslation must also be revised in upcoming editions From the researcher‟s point of view, this kind of mistakes may be owing to the translator‟s negligence in translating process rather than by his lack of linguistic knowledge Until these mistakes are fixed, confusion and misunderstanding may arise Pertaining to the second question, “What recommendations can be made from the translated version?”, from the results achieved above, some suggestions and implications for translation of English literary works into Vietnamse might be offered It can be seen that Peter Newmark‟s model of translation quality assessment is easy to follow in evaluating the quality of any literary works It helps the critics have a deep insight into the achievements as well as weaknesses of the translated version Hence, it should be 38 taken into account when any researcher would like to evaluate the quality of literary works, especially novels An additional implication for literary translation is that a thorough review of critic relating to the original text would be useful because when some small details are removed, the general meaning of the whole sentence may be affected or modified This can lead to misunderstanding from the readers or unintelligibility of the text More critically, the message that the author wishes to communicate will be modified entirely For this reason, translators should be very cautious when translating any works from the source language into the target language A further lesson that can be drawn from this translated version relates to word meaning The dictionary may not always have all the words that we encounter daily due to the boom of slang and addition of new words every day Therefore, in order to help readers completely enjoy the work, it is the translator‟s task to explain borrowed words that he cannot transfer to Vietnamese In conclusion, the findings of this paper are expected to be useful to teachers and students in their studying Translation Studies Additionally, it is helpful to translation critics since it shows that to improve the quality of translation in general and of literary translation in particular, it is essential to evaluate basing on a certain model to make the assessment more adequate and objective Last but not least, the critic hopes that this research would help the future edition of the book become a better one Suggestions for further studies Due to the limited time and scope of the study, a number of issues were not investigated As a result, the researcher would like to suggest further study on the following: - Letter writing is a noteworthy part in The Notebook, thus, a study that deeply investigates this part should be carried out - Many quotations of poems by famous poets appear in the novel and the translation of these should be examined as well - Apart from The Notebook, there have been many other novels by the same author, Nicholas Sparks, translated into Vietnamese Those who have such a passionate interest in one of these novels might conduct a translation quality assessment research on it - In the past few years, a massive amount of English literary works has been translated into Vietnamese so as to meet the demand of booklovers However, the quality of those translated versions has not been evaluated carefully Future researchers may more research on assessing the translation quality of translated literary works that have been published in Vietnam 39 REFERENCES Baker, M (1992) In Other Words: A Course Book on Translation London: Routledge Baker, M (ed.) (2005) Routledge Encyclopedia of Translation Studies London: Routledge Bell, R T (1991) Translation and Translating London & New York: Routledge Briffa, C & Caruana, R M (2009) Stylistic Creativity When Translating Titles PALA 2009 Conference, Roosevelt Academy in Middleburg, The Netherlands (Accessed via www.pala.ac.uk/resources/proceedings/2009/briffa2009.pdf, August 2nd, 2011) Carrové, M S (1999) Towards a Theory of Translation Pedagogy Doctoral Thesis Dissertation Department of English and Linguistics, Universitat de Lleida Lérida Catford, J C (1967) A Linguistic Theory of Translation Oxford: OUP Grossman, E (2010) Why Translation Matters New Haven, CT: Yale University Press Hartman, R R K & Stock, F C (1972) Dictionary of Language and Linguistics in Bell, R.T (1991) Translation and Translating Longman Hillman, R (2011) Spoken Word to Written Text: Subtitling in The Oxford Handbook of Translation Studies Malmkjær, Kirsten & Kevin Windle (Editors) Oxford: OUP 10 House, J (1977) A Model for Translation Quality Assessment Tübingen: Gunter Narr 11 House J (1997) Translation Quality Assessment: A Model Revisited Tübingen: Gunter Narr 12 Koller, W (1979/89) Equivalence in Translation Theory (translated by Chesterman, A.) In Chesterman, A (ed.), Readings in Translation Theory (Helsinki, Finn Lectures) 13 Munday, J (2001) Introducing Translation Studies: Theories and Applications, London & New York: Routledge 14 Newmark, P (1982) Approaches to Translation Oxford: Pergamon Institute of English 15 Newmark, P (1988) A Textbook of Translation New York: Prentice-Hall International 16 Newmark, P (1995) Approaches to Translation Prentice Hall International (UK) Ltd 17 Nida, E A & Taber, C R (1974) The Theory and Practice of Translation Leiden: Published for the United Bible Societies by E.J Brill 18 Violine, M (2011) Translating Titles of Novels: Why and How We (Don’t) Translate Them Translation Conference 2011, Unika Atmajaya University of Indonesia 40 19 Willams, M (2009) Translation Quality Assesment Mutatis Mutandis Vol 2, No pp – 23, University of Ottawa 20 Wilss, W (1982) The Science of Translation, Problems and Methods Tübingen: Gunter Narr 21 Lê Hùng Tiến, Đỗ Minh Hoàng, Nguyễn Phương Trà (2006), Lý thuyết thực tiễn dịch thuật Anh-Việt: Một số vấn đề lý luận phương pháp bản, Đề tài nghiên cứu cấp Đại học Quốc gia: Khoa Sau Đại học, Trường Đại Học Ngoại Ngữ – ĐHQG Hà Nội 22 Nicholas Sparks Retrieved on May 1st, 2014 from http://www.amazon.com/NicholasSparks/e/B000APGF36 23 Book FAQs Retrieved on May 1st, 2014 from http://nicholassparks.com/stories/thenotebook/ 24 Definition of “notebook.” Retrieved on May 1st, 2014 from http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/notebook?q=notebook 25 Definition of “diary.” Retrieved on May 1st, 2014 from 2014 from http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/diary?q=diary 26 Definition of “enthrall.” Retrieved on May 1st, http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/enthral?q=%20enthral 41